Moods Magazine – Summer 2007
by: Sarah Prowse

“It is the Oscars of our world, there’s nothing bigger” says Tom Regehr about winning the Courage to Come Back Award from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH).

The night of the awards dinner there are more than 800 people in a hotel ballroom in downtown Toronto. People are elbowing each other to take pictures during photos sessions. Regehr and the other winners appear in every major paper and some on TV and radio. The ceremony was broadcast on local cable and CAMH raised more than $500,000 that night.

“I was very proud”

From his hotel room on the 27th floor at dawn the next day, Regehr could see the neighbourhood where he was homeless 14 years ago.

Six months before the award dinner Regehr is helping Suzanne Witt-Foley to write the nomination. Suzanne, a project consultant with CAMH, has worked with Tom in the community. This is the first time he has seen his story – an arc Regehr traces from childhood trauma, through academic and career success, to homelessness and addiction, and back to a meaningful life today as a leader in the addictions education field, drawn out in detail.

“Looking at the whole story all at once, was something I had never done before. I cried and cried.”

Regehr remembers being a quiet child, he did nothing but ride his bike, had few friends and did no school work. Looking back he assumes it was in response to some trauma at home. In grade 10, he discovered that getting attention was a good way to avoid the feelings. He became very active and like many kids, he also discovered alcohol.

“I was loud, drove too fast, drank too much, had a lot of jobs come and go – just like a lot of kids but I did not stop.”

Regehr completed “three good learning years” at university studying landscape architecture but didn’t graduate. Pushing his family away, he hung out in bars and worked too much. His career flourished as he was working jobs where it was common to drink during work hours.

“It was landscaping – we drank on the jobsite and later had meetings in bars and strip-joints, so staying drunk all the time was a way of life.

By age 29 he was working as a freelance project manager, making good money that he spent on booze and cocaine. At age 31, after being kicked out of the nice home he was sharing in a leafy Brampton suburb he experienced his first stint of real homelessness.

“Things get foggy here, how long I was on the street, where I slept, my memory is not clear.”

Was it hard being homeless?

“Well, people always talk about the cold and hunger. For me, the cold and hunger were nothing. Have you ever gone without food for 3 days? You get a nice, light headed buzz, then it seems to go away. And, unless you’re dumb, it’s easy to not freeze.”

So what was the hard part?

“I was unbearably lonely. You watch people smile and touch and talk, knowing somehow that will never be you. You will never fit in, never get a hug, never feel loved. It tore at my chest like fire.”

What changed? One spring, Regehr had come back to Brampton, his home town, to look for work as a labourer. He was standing on the street waiting for the soup kitchen to open when an old friend walked by. She happened to have an apartment that needed some work; Tom was able to stay for 3 months in return for fixing it up. Why did that work?

“She was very firm with the arrangements, she treated me like a competent adult, I felt compelled to act like an adult – it felt good! While I was there, I noticed that the drinking, drugging and running away weren’t working anymore. No amount of booze, painkillers or running kept the pain away. I asked for help. This time it worked.”

After many months of deliberation, Regehr checked himself into a detox, followed by a 28-day treatment centre. He then did a 3-week day program, a year of after care and started to go to A.A. several times week.

“It was hard, but I graduated all the addiction programs and stayed clean. I did not drink again.”

Nevertheless, after several years of living clean, things were not all good.

“I couldn’t keep a girlfriend, I had no friends, couldn’t work a regular job. I had the attention span of a gnat and was only able to keep a roof over my head with the help of my family.”

‘Sober’ but far from happy or functional, after 5 years clean, Regehr was diagnosed by several professionals as depressed.

“I went looking for a general therapist, someone to help with the larger issues. I found Johanna Gabel, in Toronto. There were bumps in the road but she was able to help.” Regehr went to see her every two weeks for more than two years. “In my view she did two important things for me; she helped me deal with the massive emotional build-up in me and she taught me to accept the goodness in the world”

“Other people call it ‘trauma therapy’ but it sure didn’t feel like anything that scary or grand with her. Her demeanour, right from the start, was that what I needed to do was hard work but she was down to earth in her approach in a way that I didn’t get from other professionals. After I got comfortable with the ideas, she sent me home to read Judith Hermann, a pioneer in the field of dealing with past trauma.”

There were many stages to this healing process but when it was done, Regehr felt quite different about things:

“It was glorious! Don’t get me wrong, it was hard, much harder than getting sober, the demons of trauma aren’t visible like a bottle – but when I was done it was fall, and I remember I was thinking more clearly, sleeping better, my attention span grew and I for the first time I was able to make friends and keep them” It also helped professionally. With Johanna’s support, he was able to get – and keep – a regular job for more than a year. A lifetime first.

In 2000, Regehr started a self help group called Come and Sit Together (CAST). Talking to social service agencies about the group, he found that the workers always had more questions about his own journey than about the group. Soon he was regularly speaking at workshops and conferences.

“I loved it. It went right to my head, I was going to get an agent, a retail haircut, business cards – I was going to go big time!”

He noticed that workers had a real need for information about addiction. Many worked with addicts in places like shelters, probation offices or social services and had no addiction background at all. They attached huge value to the life experiences of the addict. Regehr responded by holding his own panel event in 2004.

“I invited friends with addiction issues to speak on the panel. Each one had other issues as well, making for a nice variety. Requests for more, and longer, events like it came in.”

Regehr now works full time offering trainings for helping professionals and a parallel series of events for business. The CAST Canada High School visit program is special to Regehr:

“The kids are amazing. If I could, I would work with them full time. They speak from the heart and they really pay attention. They are kind and they care, and it shows, and it’s just so refreshing”

Suzanne Witt-Foley had the idea of nominating Tom after seeing a local woman win the award the year before. She met Tom 1999 on a local community committee.

“Over the years I saw an amazing transfomation in who he is – he has changed. He has accomplished a huge amount, for individuals through the CAST groups and for the system through his other work. He found the motivation and courage to make important things happen. I have never seen anyone else do that on their own.”

The night of the award was a big thing for Tom, “But not as big as working on the nomination with Suzanne. Having the healing work I have done on myself with Johanna as well as the community work all laid out in one place threw me for a loop. I went right around the bend. The sky became hateful, the trees were there to really mess me up. I was back on the other side of sane. It was fascinating.”

Fascinating? Wasn’t it scary?

“Not really. I was in my car when I realized what was happening. I sighed a big sigh, came home, cancelled some plans, called in support from friends and family, increased the ‘self-care’ that Johanna had taught me and waited for it to subside. I made sure I ate well, got fresh air, didn’t make big decisions without running them by someone – the whole nine yards. Within three days my feet were back near the ground, within a week I was fine again. And all the more strong for having been through it and accepting all the love around me. For that I thank CAMH, Suzanne, Johanna and all my family, the official and the CAST Canada family. I am blessed.”

Sarah Prowse is a social worker in Toronto with an interest in substance use concerns. She works with the Detox Coalition to improve the quality of care in the withdrawal management system.

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